April Perspectives

I can’t believe that it is April already. And 8 days into April at that! Time flies when you are having fun! That is what doing this work is for me. I absolutely LOVE training people, and helping individuals reach their goals, whether they be personal or professional. While I am being pushed in many directions with my business, my 9am to 5pm job, and now even a third job I recognize that I am stretching myself too thin. All the juggling (read that blog to understand that reference) is getting to me. I remember a time when I could work 3 jobs, handle a social life, get less than 5 hours a sleep at night, and not “feel” a thing. It is interesting how that works. As I reflect back to those days and try to understand what has changed, I realize that EVERYTHING has changed. And not just the obvious, which is my age. While I do notice more pain in my body and wrinkles in my hands and face, that is not what I am talking about here. So many things have changed it is hard to keep track. Let’s visit some of those changes. My friendship circle, how I make and maintain connections in my life, how I self-evaluate, and even how I process my feelings and thoughts. My priorities, even my values have changed over time. While most people believe that your values should be consistent and changeless, the reality is that as you grow so does what you value. In my 9am to 5pm job, back in May of 2021, my supervisor had us all take an Emotional Intelligence assessment. In the overview of it, my self-expression assertiveness score was my lowest score, and my next to lowest was stress tolerance. It felt amazing to get back my results and they indicated that overall I have high Emotional Intelligence across multiple domains. It resonated with me that I need to work on my assertiveness and stress tolerance though. This ties to my values, because a value that I hold highly in my life is my service to others. Recognizing that I have a tendency to disregard my own needs and wants based on the relationship that I have with someone else is a real factor that I need to evaluate and keep track of on a consistent basis. Why is any of this important? Well, if I don’t self-evaluate and recognize how my decisions intersect with my values and even especially my emotions I can’t help others, like YOU! One of the first steps in being able to serve others, is that you have to know how to first serve yourself. Have you ever heard the saying that you can’t pour from an empty cup. It is so true. I cannot claim to help others with raising their emotional awareness when I am not challenging my own. Being able to look at my values, personality type, strengths, weaknesses, areas for improvement in emotional intelligence, and even my core emotional challenges are all just a few ways that I try to maintain my focus when I start to get overwhelmed, and stressed out. Self-evaluation is a level of self-care that no one really talks about. Right now, I am reading (really listening) to Brene’ Brown’s book, “Dare to Lead.” My supervisor recommended it to all of her supervisees (we are all Senior Directors). She recommended a stack of books to us, but once I saw the one by Brene’ Brown I knew I wanted to get on that one personally before we were asked to read it. In my listening today, I was challenged, because if someone where to flat out ask if I live my values, I would definitely say that I live into my values wholeheartedly. In reality though, the questions that she asked made me question what my top 2 values really are for my life right now, and if I had to give an example of how I live into those values, would I be able to do so? Do my decisions filter through my top 2 values? These questions hit me like a ton of bricks. I honestly feel like I am still grappling with them, if I can be honest. This is a just another example of how much I have changed. I actively read books for fun in my free time. I enjoy thinking critically about my life and where I can make changes to live more authentically into who I truly am as an individual in this world. This is also why I like being a coach. I don’t stand in judgement over you with a diagnosis to tell you what is wrong. I walk with you in this journey of self-evaluation/discovery. I don’t want a label, so I don’t label YOU. I do want to be more authentic in my life. I do want to create goals and accomplish them realistically. I do want to help others do the same. I have found myself asking myself, or allowing a close friend to ask me, if you had to tell someone else how to get through what you are going through now, what would you say to them. It is such a profound question. If I had a client right now say to me that they were working three jobs, trying to balance work and home life, and struggling with live in the value of harmony, I would ask them: What is stopping you from peace? Are you in your own way because of external factors that you really don’t control? Are you living into your ability to truly help others when you aren’t helping yourself? As I grapple with the answers to these questions I notice that I try to shift the blame away from me, instead of sitting in my decisions. The good news is that there is time to turn it around. We are only 4 months into this year. I must shift my perspective and make a list of what I can control and start controlling it. How will you make the most out of this 4th month of the year? #April #buildingemotionalawareness #dovesinnerbeauty