BEAUTY: The Truths & Lies
What kind of things do you tell yourself about yourself? When you look in the mirror what do you say to yourself about yourself? What do you say about yourself to others? When you are alone do you say these things out loud? If other people were around, would you say these things where they could hear you? If so, why or why not? How often do you delve deep into what you think about YOU? Is this a place where you can go deeper and not feel like you are drowning?
While all of these questions can feel like an attack when given all at once and at the wrong tone of voice; they are very important to being the most authentic YOU that YOU can be. Oftentimes thinking about YOU can feel selfish. Please know that it is NOT. When I think of these questions there is so much that comes up for me it is almost overwhelming to think about all at once. If you have read any of my About Section, you know that I am survivor of sexual trauma from my childhood. Due to that trauma, I recognize that the trauma took all of my authentic self-esteem and immediately threw it in the trash. From middle school on I developed almost a whole different person with a persona of high self-esteem. The reality is that it was fake. I just wanted to feel real love from a man and not lust, but I took lust as a substitute. Why does any of this matter now? Well, now I recognize just how much of an impact that trauma has on my self-esteem. My birthday is less than 20 days away now, and the thoughts in my mind are about how I will no longer be sexy as I age. How I can already see the wrinkles in my hands and face and feel the aches and pains in my body as though it were deteriorating like I am falling through quicksand. I am already giving myself negative messages about my body, my sexiness, and ultimately my BEAUTY. I have tears in my eyes as I re-read this because it hits me. Struggling with self-esteem, I have realized for me, is a trauma reaction. The truth is that I am aging. I will be 41 soon. I can feel more aches and pains than I used to feel. The lie is that somehow any of that really matters to me. The lie is that I have be “sexy” for the rest of my life. Do I want to be desirable for my husband for the rest of my life, absolutely. However, I also know that even when I feel like I look and smell (LOL) my worse, he wants to kiss me and show me love.
There is this societal lie that tells us that our worth is tied up in our beauty, as women. This is the whole meaning behind my business name. Dove’s Inner B.E.A.U.T.Y. is about defining beauty for yourself. Defining beauty from the inside out and not the outside in. Defining beauty on your terms and not some else’s. There are many lies that we can tell ourselves about our beauty, whether that is our outer beauty and our inner beauty. Some believe the lies that due to our trauma, the perpetrator took our inner beauty and outer beauty with them when they victimized us. This is far from the truth. While some days will be more difficult than others when it comes to self-esteem, here is what I know to be true. What I think about myself, can only be defined by myself. Not by anyone else’s standard. It is my actions that will speak for me. It is my words of affirmation that will guide me. It is my feelings that I will honor and allow myself my heal.
So, what kind of things do you tell yourself about yourself? If you feel like this is a space where you can’t go on your own, schedule some time to meet with me. Crying is always allowed.
