In honor of Black History Month, I want to tribute this blog post to all Black women out there. As I was thinking about this post that I would write for February there was a common theme that kept popping into my brain and in my life experiences. And of course this theme was of the Strong Black Girl. As a black woman that had no choice but to be a strong black little girl I have noticed and realized that my experience is not unique. So many black girls, especially from my generation and older, grew up with another strong black woman telling them how important it is to be strong. Telling them that there is no time to wallow in pity or sadness. Telling them that you have to prove your worth to those in power. Telling them that you cannot be authentically yourself. And while these affirmations of long ago served them in their day and age, and in some respects served me as well, they don’t help as much now. Today, I find myself (and other black woman that I have spoken to), un-learning a lot of those affirmations from long ago. I needed to un-learn the idea that I cannot be authentically myself. What do I mean when I say this: That wearing my natural hair is un-professional, or even setting boundaries with an employer is perpetuating an “angry black girl” narrative. You may ask, how are boundaries a part of your authentic self. I am glad that you ask. If I am setting a boundary then I am honoring my authentic self. If an employer asks me to complete four different tasks, and I do all of those tasks in a timely manner, and then they ask me to do four more, but by this point I am tired and have a headache, I am not honoring myself when I accept taking on more work when my body is already telling me that I have spent my energy. Now please don’t take what I am saying wrong, because I am not saying quit your job once you are too tired to complete any more work, but I am saying that it is important to recognize when your body is telling you to stop, and if you have the control to set a boundary at work, then you should do so. You taking on the world at work isn’t proving that you should get a raise, it is proving that you can take on more, thus them willing to give you more and more to do. I am saying know your limitations, know your body, and honor thyself. I needed to un-learn the idea that it is not ok to cry in front of others. I don’t know too many black women that are just fine with crying in public. I would bet that if you did a poll, there would probably be 2 out of 10 of us that would say that they are ok with crying in public. As black women we are taught that tears are a sign of weakness, or that tears tell others that you are “too emotional.” In reality, tears are a necessary part of the emotional process. Tears are cleansing. Tears are the body’s way of releasing emotion or even releasing energy. I can’t tell you how many black women I have heard say, “I cry when I get angry.” Just thinking about black women and tears, I can’t help but to think about the movie (which was actually a miniseries) from 1989 called, “The Women of Brewster’s Place.” If you have never seen it, go look it up, find it, and watch it now. I can make multiple healin’ blog posts based on that movie alone. I’ll keep it short today, and focus my attention on the end of movie, where the women start to break the brick wall. It begins with feelings of anger and grief, but ends in hope and I dare say some joy. IMHO, it is the tears that are allowed to fall that help change the perspective, not the coming down of the wall. They cried with each other, while tearing down this wall with anything that they had access to. Even though each woman had their own reasoning for crying in that moment, the energy was collective. Not one of them apologized for crying in front of the other. Not one of them placed judgement or ridicule for their tears. In this day and age, there aren’t many neighborhoods with brick walls (at least in the South) that collectively black woman want to break down (physically at least). However, think about this scenario: You are out with 6 of your friends and acquaintances at a dinner, and one of them starts to cry, seemingly out of nowhere. What will happen? As you sit there and think of your friend group, some of you may be saying, well I don’t hang with that many girls at one time, and if it was one of close girlfriends, etc. You would put qualifiers on it. You would put specific stipulations in place, depending on the circumstances, such as time of day, type of restaurant, what you are wearing, who else was nearby, and the list would go on and on. Well, Strong Black Girl, I challenge your strength today in a different way. I challenge you to un-learn affirmations that don’t work in your favor anymore. I challenge you to set boundaries that are required to honor you. And most of all, I challenge you to give judgement free, condition-free, crying space to your friends and acquaintances. Give yourself that same grace too. Being emotionally aware is for YOU, YOU, and YOU! It is time to start being honest, open, authentic, and emotionally-free to be whoever you need to be. And if you need help with that…I am an email away - innerbeauty@dovesinnerbeauty.com.