Last Day of the Year

Often times we focus so much on the New Year that we don’t take time to reflect on the last day of the year. We use apps to give us a recap of our year online, or a year in photos based on all the pictures we have taken over the past year. This is the one time of year that most people use to either reflect or they try to forecast what their New Year will bring for them. On this 365th day, I went back to the beginning of my Goals journal, which was started on Jan. 1, 2024. As I look back at my journal, I notice that I had similar feelings about my business and 9am to 5pm endeavors as I do now. I started this year with a sense of balance and focus on my business goals. As the year progressed I noticed that I started to focus more on money and the stress of having two full time jobs (my business & my 9am o 5pm) began to weigh on me. Being able to look back on my writings helps me see the pain points, the themes, the successes, and even where my connections started to either fade or strengthen. This is the level of reflection that matters. While it is nice to get the quick recaps from social media platforms, the true understanding of yourself comes from the personal reflections from your actual actions throughout the year. In 2024 I tried to balance it all. At one point I had my 9am to 5pm, my business, and another side job. What was I thinking? While I pulled it all off, ultimately, my business suffered. In a year where I wanted to be more intentional about my business, I actually allowed a lot of distractions in, and even stopped writing weekly goals, and almost gave up on my dream altogether. Intentional was my word of the year, based on my goal entries, but I definitely had more goals that I learned from instead of accomplished. While discovering this reflection, there is a sense of sadness that I feel. I will allow myself to feel the sadness, but I will not stay there because I am proud of the year of WINS.

While it is easy to get caught up in all the things that I didn’t get done, I believe a lot in the value of perspective. The last day of the year can come with a lot of emotions. As they come, I allow them to come. So far tonight, I have cried, I have felt loved, I have felt regret, I have felt proud, and a couple more that I haven’t quite identified fully yet. And because it isn’t Midnight, I am certain that there are more to come, including laughter and joy. Emotions don’t have to force us into action, but they can be a powerful driver to act. While my behavior tonight has caused me to hug and kiss my son and husband multiple times out of love, I have also chosen to cry out of sadness. Other than those two behaviors I have been able to control any other behavior from other emotions that have arisen tonight. The ability to control behaviors from emotions takes practice and patience with yourself. It takes a lot of noticing, a lot of self-awareness, and a lot of self-regulation.

As I reflect on this beautifully flawed life, I am extremely grateful to be here to write to you all. One year is full of so many ups and downs. As I reflect on all the ups and downs, I have one personal journal entry in my goal journal from Oct. 12, 2024. I am reminded of something that I wrote, and how profound I remember it feeling at the time, and how I hope to live my 2025: “Life is going to life. For now, all i can do is be in the present.” I truly believe that in that moment in October, I crossed over into a new chapter in the Book of Me, called, “The Present.” If the New Year will decidedly be a new “chapter” for you, or if it will come later, choose to live everyday. Choose to feel everyday. Choose to do the inner work necessary to heal.

Thank you all for being a part of my 2024. I hope that 2025 brings you emotional regulation and true self-reflection.

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Giving Up - A Trauma Reaction