Trauma Responses
When I tell you that the headlines really helped me with this post for April. Please keep reading, as this is not solely about the Oscar slap heard around the world, but it is the motivation for this blogpost. As the title suggests, I want to talk a bit today about Trauma Responses. It goes without saying that when a trauma occurs an emotional response is sure to follow. As we have seen since the famous Oscar Slap occurred, social media went into utter chaos. Everyone and their family member had an opinion. Some people were #teamchrisrock while others were #teamslapahoe, and yes I actually saw this particular hashtag. The level of extremes on both sides, the “black and white” thinking, and even the people that felt like they were “in the middle,” because they understood “why” Will did it, and that Chris Rock was just “doing his job.” The memes alone have been over the top, and even disrespectful to Jada (all over again). Here’s the thing that I haven’t seen in mass: People looking within to understand why they feel so strongly on one side or the other. I have seen the therapy and life coaching responses to the incident which attempted to explain to others why Will did what he did, and how he needs to heal (and I have an opinion about that too, but I won’t address it right now) from his past trauma, as he has put all of his life out in his most recent book and over the years, so it makes sense that he still has some healing to do. While everyone is looking at Will, and wondering where is Chris Rock’s official statement, I am looking at you! Yes, you, the reader of this post. In this situation, do you understand why you feel the way you do about the slap? What in your history has caused you to take a particular side in this storyline? Has it even occurred to you that your life experiences are impacting how you see this situation? For women that are unmarried, I noticed a strong response backing Will Smith because he was proving that he was THE Protector of his wife, and they want that type of man. From the men who define themselves as “bachelors,” I saw a strong response for Will challenging his character from “Bad Boys,” “Mike Lowry,” and how they liked to see it. I could go on and on about the trends that I noticed from people in their responses in this situation and it donned on me that people aren’t even paying attention to why they are responding in such a way. There were many many women who saw Will’s actions as deplorable, and that it changed the way that they saw him as an actor and ultimately as a person because of the violence. I immediately wondered about their life experiences and the violence that they possibly experienced in their past that is impacting how they feel now. When I got out of work and got home I knew that my husband and I would have a conversation about it. I was looking forward to it, because our talks are always good. (Side Note: Single ladies, find you a man that doesn’t mind having deep conversations with you. ) On the drive home it forced me to deal with how I truly felt about this situation. And this is the moment that matters. This is the moment that most people breeze past as though it doesn’t mean anything. I challenge you today to not breeze by these moments. Too often we overlook the reason why we respond in the why we do to circumstances that we see occur in the social media world. Whether it is a wound we don’t want to dig into, or we feel like it doesn’t matter. I am here to tell you that the reason behind why you respond the way you do matters. We have noticed so many people try to analyze why Will Smith did what he did, but in reality, we should to be analyzing why we responded to his actions the way we did. I was talking with someone about this situation, and they admitted to me that it triggered something within them, but couldn’t figure out why. Well, we talked through it some, and this individual realized that the past history of being bullied in school was the real trigger. Always feeling the need to stick up for someone else, fighting over it, and being affirmed by their parents to “stick up for yourself.” This Will Smith slap required a deep dive into understanding how past trauma impacts how we respond to real life experiences now. When I tell you that this person is rarely triggered. Events and experiences from our past can have an impact on our present. Pay attention to how you respond in present life situations, because if you haven’t healed from your past it will come back as a trauma response in your present. IMHO, I believe that this is what happened with Will. He was triggered and a trauma response came out. Do I know if this is true, of course not. At this point, all of us are speculating based on what we have seen and/or read. What we can know for sure, is how we decide to react when we are triggered. And part of that is understanding what our triggers are, but that is a blog for another time. In the meantime, if you want to talk through your trauma responses, and want someone to walk with you in that journey, reach out to me. I am a Trauma Recovery Coach, and that is what I do!
